Buffy Goes To Hollywood
by Apollonia
Summary: Buffy & Co. find themselves somewhere over the rainbow... Cameos by Marilyn Monroe, Frank Sinatra & a cast of thousands!!
1. Follow the Yellow Brick Road

Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy or Angel or anything from the show. Nor do I own Errol or any of the movie stars. Although the idea and plot is mine.  
  
Author's Note: I sent this to BA_Fluff ages ago, but I thought I'd see what y'all over at FF.net think of it. Let me know by reviewing, pretty please?  
  


A/N Aug 2003: I'm in the process of rewriting all my old Buffy stories and I'd love to know what you think of the story one way or the other. Enjoy!  
  
  
Buffy Goes To Hollywood  
  
***  
  
"Welcome to Sherwood my lady!"  
  
Buffy looked up. A beautifully handsome man wearing a tight green costume was sat astride a large white horse. He smiled down at her, and tipped his green felt hat to her. She found herself blushing and smiling back, until Angel elbowed her, with that familiar jealous look in his eyes.  
  
They weren't entirely sure how they got there or why, but somehow Buffy, Angel, Giles, Willow, Oz, Xander and Cordelia were standing on the outskirts of a lush green forest. The green clad man climbed down from his horse to greet them. He took Buffy's hand and kissed it delicately.  
  
"My lady," he said "Allow me to introduce myself, My name is Errol Flynn."  
  
"Errol Flynn!" Giles exclaimed, as if annoyed that he hadn't recognised him before now.  
  
"You're a fan?" Errol grinned cheekily, taking Giles' hand and shaking it vigorously.  
  
"Well, I've seen Robin Hood," Giles told him.  
  
"Who hasn't seen Robin Hood?" said Errol. "That's why you're in Sherwood!"  
  
"What? Excuse me? Why aren't we in Sunnydale?" demanded Cordelia. Errol looked at her- up and down... and up again.  
  
"Errol Flynn at your service," he introduced himself to Cordelia personally, kissing her hand as he had Buffy's. She returned it with her best, brightest and, she hoped, sexiest smile.  
  
"Jailbait!" Xander said, covering it up with a cough, but Errol just smiled wider at Cordelia. Errol stepped back to speak to them all.  
  
"Sherwood Forest is the entrance to Hollywood."  
  
"Hollywood? As in Hollywood, California?" asked Xander.  
  
"Not that Hollywood," Errol laughed heartily. "Follow the Yellow Brick Road."  
  
He pointed to a yellow brick road leading into the forest. Errol got back on his horse, and after winking at Buffy, Willow and Cordelia, and after giving them all a regal wave, he rode off into the depths of the forest.  
  
"Well Toto, I guess we're not in Sunnydale anymore," Xander quipped.  
  
"We don't have a dog," Cordelia pointed out to him.  
  
"We have a werewolf guy," Xander pointed to Oz.  
  
"Close enough," Oz conceded. A little warily, they began along the Yellow Brick Road into Sherwood Forest. Xander whistled the tune to Somewhere Over The Rainbow.  
  
"So Giles," began Buffy. "Any ideas?"  
  
"Something odd has happened," he said. After getting looks from each, he continued. "Errol Flynn died in the 1950s, and he was at least fifty years old. Yet now he appears to us, very real, and less than thirty years old."  
  
"Looks can be deceptive," the 243 year old vampire in the body of a twenty five year old known as Angel pointed out. Giles nodded.  
  
"Quite," Giles mused.  
  
"Lions, and tigers and bears oh my!" Xander sang as they walked along, receiving an elbow in his side from Cordelia for his trouble.  
  
"Ow! And, you know, ow!" he complained, rubbing his side.  
  
"Be quiet Xander." Giles said.  
  
"But this is Hollywood, and everyone knows that the stars never die!" he said.

Giles stopped suddenly. "Of course!" he slapped his forehead.  
  
"Care to share?" Buffy asked.  
  
"This is a kind of limbo paradise for the movie stars. Because they were stars in real life, they could never be entirely killed off in their movies, which has carried over into their ability to enter Heaven. Or this is their Heaven, a special reward for their work during life," he pondered, brow furrowing.

  
"That's great Giles. Why are _we_ here?" Buffy demanded, clearly more than a little wigged.  
  
"W.... well, I don't know exactly," he admitted.  
  
***  
  
The forest was getting darker and darker, eerier. Now Xander wasn't singing. He was tip toeing along, ready to run like a woman if the need arose. Angel and Buffy walked at the head of the group, Angel's arm protectively wrapped around her waist.  
  
Behind them, Giles walked, lost in thought, followed by Willow and Oz who walked cautiously along hand in hand. Finally, Xander and Cordelia took up the rear.  
  
Cordelia was alternately complaining that her feet hurt, or praising Errol Flynn's gentlemanly manners. If Xander was no longer singing, it was possibly mostly due to the fact he was reaching his daily Cordelia limit.  
  
"What's that?" Cordelia called out. She pointed. Up on a hill stood a large castle.  
  
"Looks creepy," said Oz.  
  
"This being crazy cinema land and all…" Willow trailed off.  
  
"But it's dark, cold and my feet really hurt!" exclaimed Cordelia. "And it's probably going to rain!" she added for effect. 

At that very moment, it began to pour down. The gang looked at each other quizzically.  
  
"It's not like its the Bates Motel," reasoned Oz.  
  
"And we do have the Slayer with us," added Willow, already very cold and wet. And so, biting the bullet, they made their way toward the castle.  
  
***  
  
Exhausted and soaking wet, the Scooby gang arrived at the huge front door.  
  
"For the record, I think this is a really bad idea," said Xander as Buffy pulled the bell chain. Deep within the house, a bell jangled, and the door opened to reveal a strange looking butler.  
  
"Hi, we got lost in the forest, and caught in the storm. Do you have a phone or...." Buffy's voice trailed off as the butler beckoned them inside.  
  
He led them to a dimly lit library, where, beside the fire, a pale man sat drinking something red from a crystal goblet. He was dressed in a velvet cape and a ruffled white shirt. Behind the rest of the group, Angel began coughing, almost as if covering up a laugh.  
  
"Dracula?" Cordelia whispered to Xander. Xander shrugged, the two of them wearing matching petrified expressions.  
  
"I've been expecting you," the man said in a thick Transylvanian accent.  
  
"Really?" asked Buffy, a little confused.  
  
"Yes my dear," he got up and took Buffy's hand. "I'm hungry." he told her, opening his mouth to reveal a pair of long, sharp fangs.  
  
Despite her better judgement and knowledge of vampires, Buffy tensed up, scared. They all held their breath, until from behind them, Angel laughed out loud.  
  
"Please," he said derisively. "I've seen more convincing five year olds on Halloween." Dracula looked up.  
  
"What?" he demanded.  
  
"You're so unrealistic! You don't look anything like a vampire. This is what a vampire looks like." For Dracula's benefit, and without much warning, Angel vamped out.  
  
Dracula screamed a high pitched, girlie scream and his fangs fell out.  
  
"You're not Dracula. You're Bela Lugosi!" Angel accused. Lugosi picked his fake fangs up from the floor.  
  
"Well, yeah," he admitted, the accent now a little less strong.  
  
"What was that Dracula thing all about?" Buffy asked, more than a little embarrassed to have been duped like that. She was meant to be the Slayer, after all.  
  
"It's my thing. Flynn stopped by for a drink and mentioned you'd be along at some point. So I thought I'd try to impress you. But you guys are pretty up on vampires, huh?" he asked, uneasily, backing away from Angel.  
  
"It's OK Mr. Lugosi. He's a good vampire," Buffy told him. At his confused look she continued,  
  
"It's a long story. But he gets annoyed when movies don't show vampires like they really are." Buffy made a comic face. Angel scowled at her, but then relenting, smiled.  
  
"Sorry sir," he said, shaking Lugosi's hand. Bela then smiled back,  
  
"So you got caught in the storm, huh? Stay here until the morning. I'll show you to the guest rooms." Noticing their slightly concerned, scared expression, he added, "It's perfectly safe, no ghosts or anything."  
  
They settled into their rooms- although Xander was dismayed to learn he had to share with Dead Boy. With stakes and holy water readily available just in case, the Scooby Gang settled down for sleep.  
  
***  
  
The morning came quickly- and it was as if the castle was totally different- it was light and airy and... pretty. But the biggest change was in Bela Lugosi himself. Gone were the fake fangs, the ruffles and the velvet- he came into breakfast tanned and wearing tennis whites. On being questioned by Cordelia, he answered  
  
"This is Hollywood. Nothing is quite as it seems."  
  
After breakfast, they thanked him and went back along the Yellow Brick Road. Ahead of them they could just make out the town, although it was deceptively far away. As the road stretched out in front of them, they began to tire.  
  
Just as even Buffy felt her legs go numb, the clattering of horses hooves could be heard behind them.  
  
Hey there!" a deep male voice called. A large cart slowed to a stop by the weary group. A tall dark man, with a pencil thin moustache and a leering half grin held the reins, while a beautiful dark lady sat beside him, a scowl marring her features.  
  
"Need a lift?" he asked. The tired group could only nod, and clambered into the cart.  
  
"Fiddle Dee-Dee. We'll never get to Tara now," the woman said to him more than a little petulantly.  
  
"We'll get there Scarlett. Just be patient," he told her, as if addressing a child.  
  
"Rhett Butler?" asked Giles.  
  
"You've heard of me?" he asked as he grinned again.  
  
"In... In a manner of speaking."  
  
"So, did you hear about my exploits in Charleston, or my blockade running, or my scandalous relationship with Miss O'Hara... Hamilton... Kennedy... Butler," he added slowly to irritate Scarlett. She stuck her tongue out at him.  
  
"Well, all of it."  
  
"So you've seen the movie?" asked Rhett.  
  
"Yes. Yes I have."  
  
"Like it?"  
  
"Yes, very much."  
  
Rhett drove along, for another half an hour, until he came to a fork in the road.  
  
"We're off to Tara. If you follow the road that way, you'll get to town in no time." 

He smiled charmingly at the girls, while Scarlett silently fumed, before the two then drove off.  
  
"So, they were the actual characters, not the actors?" Buffy asked.  
  
"So it would appear. It's all very confusing," Giles' forehead creased into a frown.  
  
"At least that other guy wasn't a real vampire," Xander pointed out.  
  
"Real vampires I can handle. Freaky Hollywood people are a little more confusing," said Buffy.  
  
"Maybe we'll find out more when we get to town," suggested Willow. And so the intrepid bunch walked along the Yellow Brick Road towards the town.  
  
***  
  
After what seemed like hours, they arrived at the town, where the Yellow Brick Road gave way to an elegant Main Street. A large sign proclaimed:  
  
**HOLLYWOOD: MORE STARS THAN THERE ARE IN THE HEAVENS WORLD!  
**  
Main Street was bustling with life- vintage looking cars in pastel shades cruised past the baffled group. It was like walking onto a movie set which was in the style of the forties and fifties. Buffy, in her lycra pants and tank top felt woefully out of place compared to the elegant women gliding past. Behind her, Xander began whistling the Twilight Zone theme until silenced by Willow's elbow.  
  
"First stop- a clothes store," Buffy told them. They walked along Main Street, trying to ignore the stares.  
  
They arrived at a large boutique, and within minutes the girls were being flattered and showered with dresses and accessories. Cordelia was in heaven; unlike Angel, Xander, Oz and Giles, who watched, bewildered, and a little frightened.  
  
Then, a male assistant appeared from nowhere and began measuring them for bespoke suits.  
  
***  
  
An hour later, Angel stepped out, hair brylcreemed back, a little pencil thin moustache had appeared and he worse a perfectly fitting black pinstripe suit, crowned with a snap brim fedora. He looked like a cross between matinee idol and gangster.  
  
Giles had been fitted out in a brown suit, not entirely unlike tweed, while Xander and Oz wore beautiful three piece suits in blue and grey respectively. The collective 'wow' they got was nothing compared to their reactions to Buffy, Willow and Cordelia.  
  
Buffy wore a red skirt suit with a red pillbox hat, while Cordelia wore a slightly more daring blue sundress, and Willow wore a green dress and a half crown hat with a small veil.  
  
"You look....amazing!" Angel offered, rendered partly speechless by the vision of his girlfriend dressed up as she was. She wrapped her arms around him  
  
"So do you," she told him. Giles, however, could be counted on to cut in.  
  
"This is all very well, but we must find out why we're here. And how to get back."  
  
They left the boutique- where every thing was free of charge- and headed down Main Street. As they walked, they got the distinct impression of being watched by all. Angel, however, was so entranced by being able to walk in the sun (or whatever it was that passed as the sun) that he walked straight into someone.  
  
"Hey! Goddamn it!" she said, a little harshly. Angel stumbled and looked down.... at a devastatingly beautiful woman. She had black hair, and dark sultry eyes, with clothes cut a little more daringly than most of the women they'd seen.  
  
"I am _so_ sorry," he said. She looked up, and the angry expression melted from her face.  
  
"That's OK. I wasn't really looking. My name's Ava Gardner," she told him, as if he should have known her name anyway. She shook his hand elegantly.  
  
Angel was transfixed. He knew her from somewhere, some other time.  
  
"I'm Angel," he told her. She looked up at him from beneath her eyelashes.  
  
"Oh, I know. Everyone knows who you are," she said, still holding his hand.  
  
Buffy looked on in silent anger, and was about to make a comment when all attention switched to the middle of the road.  
  
A group of men in perfect suits and fedoras were strolling down the middle of the road- literally stopping traffic. They were uber-cool.  
  
"Damn Rat Pack," Ava muttered.  
  
"Sorry?" Angel was snapped out of his reverie.  
  
"Frank," she said, nodded towards the group of men.  
  
At the head of the group walked The Chairman of The Board: Frank Sinatra. He was followed by his friends Dean Martin, Sammy Davis, Jr. and Peter Lawford. At the sight of Ava standing with a handsome young man, Frank's studied cool exploded into hot rage. He walked briskly over and grabbed her by the arm.  
  
"Shit, Frank!" she yelled. A few people stopped walking to watch them.  
  
"What are you doin', talking to random men in the street?" he raged at her. Dean and Sam approached to calm him down. "I won't have you acting like a whore, Ava Sinatra!"  
  
"He's not some random man, and I'll talk to whoever I damn well want! You don't own me Sinatra! AND I'M NOT AVA SINATRA!" she screamed back. Frank went to lunge at Angel, but the bigger, stronger Dean held Frank back.  
  
"Now, pallie, calm down. There ain't no harm been done here," he said in his lazy drawl.  
  
At the sound of the olive oil smooth voice of his friend and blood brother, Sinatra calmed down a little, but still pulled Ava away- who was, for her part, kicking and screaming and swearing like a trooper. Angel stood staring after them.  
  
"Angel?" Buffy's voice was sharp.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Having your mouth open like that, do you know how becoming that's not?" she told him. He snapped out of it.  
  
"Sorry," he smiled sheepishly, but she wasn't having any of it. She stalked down the street, leaving him to follow on.  
  
They had no idea where they were going, but they walked along just the same. As they approached the Chinese Theatre at the end of the street, they found out why. Hanging on the wall was a huge banner bearing their faces:  
  
**PREMIERE TONIGHT! BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER!!**

***


	2. The Night Of Their Lives

Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy or Angel or anything from the show. Nor do I own Errol or any of the movie stars. Although the idea and plot is mine.  
  
Author's Note: I sent this to BA_Fluff ages ago, but I thought I'd see what y'all over at FF.net think of it. Let me know by reviewing, pretty please?  
  


Buffy Goes To Hollywood- Chapter Two 

*

The sign couldn't possibly be right! The group stopped and just stared at it for a moment.

"We're in a movie here?" Cordelia exclaimed in surprise "And why does _she_ get in the title?"  
  
"I don't get it," said Oz. At that very moment, a long, sleek limousine pulled up and a short, very badly dressed man jumped out.  
  
"There you are! I've been searchin' all over for you!" he said before he made them all get into the car. It sped away from Main Street in a hurry. He ushered them into a fancy hotel and checked them in. Liveried bell-boys showed them to their suites.  
  
"OK Whistler. Explain," Buffy demanded when they stopped in the suite.  
  
"These guys spent their lives makin' movies to entertain everyone else. Now that they're here in this reality, they don't wanna work, but they still want movies. So they take reality and with some editing, they make it into movies. You know last year's biggest grossing movie? The Story of Diana, Princess of Wales."  
  
"OK, but why are _we_ here?" Buffy demanded of the demon.  
  
"Your story's huge here. They wanted you guys here for the premiere."  
  
"Is anyone else just loving this?" asked Cordelia, loving her new celebrity status, even if it was in some strange limbo/heaven dimension populated by dead movie stars.  
  
"Anyway, you'd better hurry and get your dresses for the premiere. Go back to the boutique on Main. They'll give you anything you want. The car's waiting."  
  
"What about us?" Xander asked.  
  
"Your tuxedos are in your hotel suite. Relax, enjoy the afternoon," Whistler grinned, before leaving.  
  
***  
  
While the boys settled down to an afternoon of anything they wanted, the girls went back to the boutique. When they arrived, the assistant looked stressed.  
  
"What's up?"  
  
"Bette Davis and Joan Crawford just picked out identical dresses. You don't want to go in there," she nodded towards the dressing rooms.  
  
Screams and shouts could be heard, accompanied by the sound of material ripping, and a few brightly coloured feathers floated out of the room.  
  
"Everyone who's anyone is attending your premiere. And here everyone is someone. I hear that Lauren Bacall's visiting Bogie specially."  
  
"She can do that?" asked Willow.  
  
"But she's alive!" exclaimed Cordelia.  
  
"It's not as cut and dry as all that. She really belongs with the guys here- Bogie, Sinatra, Monroe, so she has visiting rights until she comes here herself. And Marlon Brando is here, even though he's not really dead. The Brando here is the young, svelte, edgy actor of the 1950s, because in your reality he doesn't exist anymore," the assistant explained.  
  
A loud shriek was heard, before Bette Davis emerged from the dressing room, smoothing down her coat and trying to look as dignified as possible. A bright blue feather was caught in her hair. The assistant cleared her throat.  
  
"Miss Davis?" she asked.  
  
Bette froze while the assistant plucked the feather from her hair. Giving her an icy stare and glaring at Buffy, Willow and Cordelia, Miss Bette Davis walked out.  
  
A moment later, Joan Crawford came out, with a cat-that-got-the-cream expression on her face, and holding a dress.  
  
"I'll take this one," she said. The assistant took it, put it in a garment bag, before handing it back to her.  
  
"Have a nice day Miss Crawford," she said. Crawford then summoned more dignity than Bette had been able to previously, and swept out regally.  
  
"Did the temperature just drop a few degrees?" asked Buffy.  
  
"Those two have been at it for years. You think it's any different now? No chance. I'm just glad they didn't let Louella and Hedda in. Now, which outfits catch your eye?"  
  
***  
  
Angel and Xander were relaxing by the hotel pool, soaking in the sun. In this reality, Angel was pleased to note he had no need or desire to feed, and the sun didn't do anything to him, besides warming him. He was enjoying himself.  
  
Then, as they lay there, feeling unable to move in the warmth, the temperature rose a few more degrees as Marilyn Monroe came out, wearing just a white bikini, and she settled on the lounger between Xander and Angel.  
  
"Hi!" she said brightly. Xander went to speak, but no sound came out.  
  
"You're Xander Harris, aren't you?" she asked in her breathy voice. He nodded.  
  
"I've heard great things about you," she added.  
  
"Really?" he managed to squeak out.  
  
"Oh sure! And about him," she nodded toward Angel. "Ava and Frank are having one of their fights right now, and about him. But then, those two are always fighting." 

Marilyn laughed brightly, reminding Xander of a mountain spring. A mountain spring, was he going mad?  
  
"Who's that?" Xander asked her, as two exotic beauties made their way to the other side of the pool. Marilyn frowned.  
  
"That's Lupe Velez, the Mexican Spitfire, and that's Lili Damita. She was once married to Errol Flynn. They're trouble, stay away from them," she warned him seriously.  
  
"I'll keep that in mind," he told her.  
  
"So, I'll see you at the premiere tonight?" she asked perkily, jumping to her feet.  
  
"Uh, sure?" he said, as she skipped back into the hotel. "That was fleeting."  
  
Angel nodded, still a little dazed from the whirlwind nature of Marilyn's visit.  
  
"Hey, Buffy wasn't looking too happy at that whole Ava Gardner scene," Xander said, baiting Angel. Angel for his part blushed furiously.  
  
"What?" Xander asked, his curiously piqued.  
  
"I kinda.... knew Ava in the fifties," Angel confessed. "For a period I hung out in Hollywood."  
  
"I thought you were living off rats in New York," commented Xander. Angel just glared at him and continued,  
  
"For a while I was in Hollywood, in the late forties and early fifties. I got carried along by the glamour, for a little while it made me feel.... less bad about all I'd done. Ava.... Ava, she tried to, you know... make me some kind of male mistress or something, she wanted to give me a luxury house, with clothes and money in exchange for favours. But she was still legally married to Frank Sinatra, and I didn't really want to be shown the light by Momo Giancana and his boys."  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Never mind. I turned her down. I don't know if she recognises me or not. She might be embarrassed to admit to trying to seduce a vampire much older than her. Who knows?"  
  
"You think she's hot?" Xander asked, still holding the bait.  
  
"She's beautiful in a dark, dangerous, glamorous way. Like ol' Lupe and Tiger Lil over there," he pointed. Clearly he knew those two as well. "But I'm in love with Buffy," Angel finished.  
  
Xander was impressed at Angel turning down Ava Gardner in favour of Buffy. Maybe Dead Boy wasn't so very bad. At that moment, Giles, looking a little shaken, came to them.  
  
"Would you like to come to the club '21'?" he asked.  
  
"Why?" asked Xander, his gaze not quite leaving the shapely legs of Lupe Velez across the water.  
  
"Well, because Frank Sinatra and the rest of the Rat Pack are playing. Everyone will be there. And I hear that Marilyn Monroe is the special guest star."  
  
"Yes, let's!" said Xander quickly, getting up. The Mexican Spitfire held no allure for Xander when compared to the Blonde gentlemen prefer.  
  
"Angel?" Giles asked. A surprising look of fear flickered across Angel's features.  
  
"Me, in the same room as Frank Sinatra? After this afternoon? Are you crazy?"  
  
"Good point."  
  
"Oh come on, there'll be witnesses," Xander was openly mocking Angel now, and the vampire glared dangerously at him.  
  
"No, I'll just wait for Buffy," Angel told Giles. And so, while Giles and Xander went to get Oz and go to '21', Angel went back up to the suite.  
  
***  
  
"Hi there," a sultry voice purred. Angel closed the door cautiously. Ava Gardner stepped out from the shadows.  
  
"Uh, hi," he said, feeling his face flush unusually red.  
  
"I am just _so_ sorry about earlier. Frankie still thinks we're married or something."  
  
"Really?" Angel was definitely nervous now.  
  
"Yeah, it's total drag. You know, I was having dinner with Jimmy Stewart just the other day, strictly platonic, you know. Frank just came barrelling in, no questions asked. And you shoulda seen him when I danced with Gene Kelly. He makes me so mad!"  
  
"That's too bad. Uh, does Sam Giancana come here at all?"  
  
Ava laughed, like cut glass crystal.  
  
"No gangsters allowed. This is Hollywood, not Vegas. And Frankie can't hurt you."  
  
"Uh huh," Rapid subject change needed, he decided. "Don't you want to hear Frank sing?" he asked.  
  
"Oh I'll be there later. I've got other things on my mind right now," Ava walked closer and closer to him, until she had backed him into a chair. Short of violence, there was no way out for Angel.  
  
"You're trying to seduce me, Miss Gardner."  
  
"Damn right. But I'm no Mrs Robinson. You've got years on me." She came closer, and the distinct smell of Chanel No. 5 reached Angel's nostrils.  
  
A thought of Buffy flashed through his mind. It was all he needed.  
  
"OK! Stop!" he said loudly. Surprised, Ava moved away from him slightly, and he jumped up onto his feet.  
  
"No! No, no, no!" he shouted. "This all wrong. Miss Gardner, Ava, you're a beautiful woman, but I'm in love with Buffy. I know that, protest as you might, you're in love with Frank Sinatra. I know what you want from me, and I'm flattered, really I am. But if I didn't give it to you when you were alive, I'm not going to now."  
  
Expecting her to yell or scratch his eyes out, he moved away from her, so he was no longer cornered. Instead, she smiled and kissed him gently on his left cheek.  
  
"You're right. But a girl's gotta try, right? And how many guys can claim to have turned Ava Gardner down and lived to tell the tale?"  
  
"I'm not turning you down. I'm just not taking you up on your offer," he told her with a smile. "He loves you, you know."  
  
"Who, Frankie? I know," she conceded. "I know he does. And I love him to bits. But that's never gonna stop up from tearing each other to pieces." 

She laughed again, but instead of being like cut glass crystal, it was like a schoolgirl's giggle. She kissed Angel, this time his right cheek.  
  
"You're a good kid. See you at '21'? You are going?" she asked. Angel nodded.  
  
"I'm just waiting for Buffy."  
  
Ava's face took on a resigned expression seen in old movies- where the forsaken love bids a final farewell to her lover.  
  
"Make sure she treats you right, Angel," she told him. He smiled and nodded, and then, Ava was gone.  
  
***  
  
It was just a minute or two later that the girls arrived back, laden with outfits and accessories. Angel told them of the show, and so they went down to '21'. Frank and the Rat Pack were blowing the audience away as Angel and the girls made their way over to Giles, Xander and Oz.  
  
"These guys are great!" exclaimed Buffy, a girl whose musical tastes didn't usually extend to lounge lizard crooners like Dean Martin, who was part way through 'Ain't That A Kick In The Head'.  
  
Behind him Sammy Davis, Jr. and Peter Lawford were goofing around. That song over, Frank Sinatra himself took centre stage.  
  
"This is dedicated to the most beautiful broad in the history of show business, the wonderful Ava Gardner!" 

The crowd cheered as the spotlight followed Frank to where Ava was sitting with Judy Garland and Betty Grable at a table by the edge of the stage.  
  
She was positively beaming, and Frank kissed her, before launching into 'I've Got You Under My Skin'. As he sang, Ava caught Angel's eye and smiled thankfully at him. Buffy caught the smile and scowled.  
  
"What was that all about?" she hissed. Angel grinned at her.  
  
"Nothing. Nothing at all," he leaned in and kissed her softly.  
  
"Well, OK then," she said, forcing the scowl from her face.  
  
Next up was their special guest star. Wearing one of her famous 'skin and beads' creations, Marilyn Monroe came on stage looking like one big sparkle. She sang 'Diamonds Are A Girl's Best Friend', and Xander looked on, transfixed. Cordelia elbowed him roughly.  
  
"Xander!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Are you saying that you prefer blondes?" she asked, tossing her dark, shining mane over her shoulder.  
  
"No, no, of course not. But she's so.... talented," he said, his eyes not leaving La Monroe for a second.  
  
"Well, I'm glad. Because that guy over there's more prone to fits of jealousy than Frank Sinatra and Angel put together," she nodded to a tall man sitting at a table by the edge of the stage alone.  
  
"Joe DiMaggio!" Xander exclaimed, almost diving under the table for cover. Indeed, Joltin' Joe was sitting there, equally transfixed by beautiful Marilyn.  
  
"Don't mess with DiMaggio. He waited thirty six years to be reunited with her, and he's not going to let some boy who looks like he dresses in the dark get in the way."  
  
"How do you know all this?"  
  
"The woman in the boutique gave us all the gossip. See those two over there?"  
  
Cordelia nodded in the direction of Spencer Tracy and Katharine Hepburn.  
  
"He was married to someone else, and couldn't get divorced, so they had to be together in secret. She's only visiting, because she's still alive in our reality." Xander nodded in understanding.  
  
"And Lauren Bacall's only visiting too," she beckoned to where Bacall was sitting with Humphrey Bogart and Leslie Howard.  
  
The song ended, and Xander watched, a little jealously, as Marilyn climbed down from the stage into the waiting arms of Joe.  
  
"Looks like I'm stuck with you then Chase," Cordy glared.  
  
"But not stuck in the bad sense, of course. I like being....stuck.... Oh whatever!" he gave up and Cordelia laughed.  
  
***  
  
The show was over, and the audience emerged from the club into the dying afternoon sun. At the other end of Main Street, two cars revved, ready to race.  
  
"Who's that?" Willow asked of no one in particular. A large man stood up straight from where he'd been leaning against a post.  
  
"James Dean and Steve McQueen. They always race at this time of day," the voice was unmistakably that of the greatest movie cowboy ever, John Wayne.  
  
"Why? Who wins most?" she asked him.  
  
"For fun. The fact that they can't die anymore is particularly good for Jimmy. And they're equal on wins at the moment. But I guarantee that they'll both total their cars. Trust me."  
  
They all watched as the two cars sped along Main. Steve McQueen was the first to crash, flying into an ornamental fountain, while Dean crashed headlong into a lamppost by the Chinese Theatre.  
  
"Jimmy Dean wins!" John Wayne announced, before going back into the saloon they were standing outside. Willow then caught up with the rest of the gang, and began  
  
"You'll never guess who...." she trailed off, and watched amused as Angel and Marlon Brando circa 1950 stood facing each other.  
  
"Hi," said Angel, unenthused to say the least.  
  
"Hi," Brando looked just as uninterested and unimpressed.  
  
"It's the showdown of the two hunky intense brooding guys," Cordelia whispered to Willow, an amused glint in her eye.  
  
It was certainly amusing, and Angel's eyes filled with fire as Brando introduced himself to Buffy and looked her over with a practised eye. Then suddenly, Brando excused himself, almost running down a side street.  
  
"What was that all about?" asked Oz. Without warning, a mad looking Vivien Leigh came stomping down Main, pushing past them, going down the same side street.  
  
"She's furious with him. Last night they did A Streetcar Named Desire at the theatre, and he forgot his lines." 

They all turned at the sound of the accented voice.  
  
Marlene Dietrich was lounging on a bench outside the saloon, looking perfectly tailored in a man's pinstripe suit. Sitting with her was Orson Welles, and a fairly slim-line Welles at that.  
  
"That was hilarious. Shame Vivien didn't see the funny side," he commented.  
  
"Larry Olivier was in the audience." Marlene told him. Orson laughed knowingly.  
  
"She hates being shown up in front of the oh-so-great Sir Olivier," Orson explained to the group, with just a hint of sarcasm.  
  
"He's not so good. Ego the size of a bus!" Marlene said with a little laugh. "Why did they let him in here? Most us couldn't stand him when he was alive." 

They both laughed.  
  
"Loved you in Citizen Kane, man," said Xander as the group made their way back to the hotel. Welles smiled politely before turning to Dietrich.  
  
"Why do they only remember me for Kane or for being fat?" he asked her.  
  
"They were the two things you did best darling," she drawled.  
  
***  
  
Back at the hotel, the Scooby Gang prepared for their big premiere.  
  
"So, she like, tried to seduce you?" Xander asked Angel.  
  
"Uh huh."  
  
"And you turned her down?" he asked incredulously.  
  
"Yep."  
  
"And she didn't try to scratch your eyes out?"  
  
"Nah. She decided she preferred scrawny Italian guys who can sing," Angel said. Xander looked confused. Angel clarified  
  
"Frank Sinatra." Comprehension dawned..  
  
***  
  
"So, did you notice Marlon Brando totally checking you out?" Cordelia asked Buffy in the dressing room occupied by the girls. Willow giggled, and Buffy glared.  
  
"He was not checking.... well, OK, he was, but I already have a gorgeous, intense guy, what need have I for another?" Buffy paused, "What need have I? I'm turning into Giles."  
  
"Well Brando was checking you out. And you can never have too many gorgeous guys in your life," Cordelia advised her.  
  
"It was like Angel was looking into a mirror. Except actually seeing a reflection," Willow said with a laugh.  
  
"It was kind of funny," admitted Buffy, breaking into a smile.  
  
***  
  
"Cary Grant came onto you?!" Xander exclaimed loudly. Giles sat there, looking a little mortified, and nodded.  
  
"That's......eeeew!" Xander was speechless.  
  
"What did you say to him?" asked Oz.  
  
"I just excused myself very quickly," Giles said.  
  
"Well, there were rumours like that about him," said Angel.  
  
"I know that. But _Giles_?" said Xander. Giles looked a little hurt and offended.  
  
"I didn't mean.... That came out wrong."  
  
"Are we all ready?" Giles said, trying to change the subject. The four stood there, resplendent in their tuxedos and brylcreemed hair.  
  
***  
  
The girls emerged from their dressing room, and their companions almost collapsed. Buffy was wearing a deep blue dress, covered in sequins so she looked like she was sparkling all on her own.  
  
Cordelia was wearing a slinky red dress complete with a white faux mink stole, while Willow wore a purple dress in the style of the Dior New Look, and it contrasted with her fiery hair.  
  
The four males accompanying them stood, mouths agape, unable to move or speak.  
  
"Don't go all Tommy on us," Buffy said, going over to straighten Angel's bowtie.  
  
"Tommy?" asked Xander, once again a little in the dark.  
  
"Deaf, dumb and blind kid," recited Giles.  
  
"I hear he plays a mean pinball," commented Oz, deadpan. Xander was still blank.  
  
"Tommy, the rock opera by The Who," Giles spelled it out for him, and he nodded in partial recognition.  
  
***  
  
As they were about to leave, Buffy paused.  
  
"What?" Cordelia was impatient. She wanted to go and be in the spotlight.  
  
"Well, I have Angel, you have Xander, Oz has Willow. But Giles doesn't have a date."  
  
"Cary Grant?" Xander suggested, followed immediately by a punch on the arm courtesy of Angel, who seemed to be rather pleased that he got to be the one to hit Xander.  
  
All eyes turned to Giles, whose face was reddening. Then there was a soft knock on the door. Then entered platinum blonde Lana Turner, looking beautiful in a gold dress.  
  
"Rupert, are you ready?" she asked softly. All eyes were again on Giles, but he ignored them, and instead offered Lana his arm, then led her out.  
  
"Way to go Giles," said Oz.  
  
"What was that about Cary Grant?" asked Willow. Xander began to speak, but was cut off by Oz, who simply said:  
  
"You don't want to know." And then they all went, ready for the premiere of their lives.  
  
***  
  
The long black limousine slid to a halt outside the Chinese Theatre, and the liveried driver opened the door. First out was Xander, who got a loud cheer from the assembled legends.  
  
Here it was customary for the stars of the picture to arrive before anyone else went inside the theatre. He held his arm out for Cordelia, who took it, basking in the attention. As Angel got out, screams of approval filled the air, and Buffy felt at least a little jealousy. They all smiled and waved and posed for pictures before going inside.  
  
Inside the lushly appointed theatre, they had the best seats, comfortable red velvet chairs, with waiter service for popcorn and sodas.  
  
"Nice here, huh?" Buffy whispered to Angel. He grinned at her. They star- watched for a while. Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall came in, him still smoking a cigarette, followed by Judy Garland, who was accompanied by Ingrid Bergman. Behind them came Clark Gable with Joan Crawford and Jean Harlow.  
  
The theatre filled quickly, but silence fell instantly when one woman, dressed in dark clothes came in. Giles leaned over to Lana for clarification. Lana, for her part, looked amazed.  
  
"My God! Garbo!"  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"Greta Garbo. She was a recluse in life, and she is here too. She didn't even come out for the premiere of Diana, Princess of Wales. I haven't seen her around in months. She must be really impressed with you guys." Lana gave him an approving look and he blushed furiously.  
  
***  
  
The movie began, and the entire audience was captivated as on-screen Buffy knocked Angel to the ground  
  
"Is there a problem, ma'am?" he asked from his position on the ground.  
  
"Yeah there's a problem. Why were you following me?"  
  
"I know what you're thinking. It's all right. I don't bite," he told her with a smirk. In the darkness of the theatre, Buffy squeezed Angel's hand, and he looked at her with a smile. But in the back of their minds, there was a lingering worry.  
  
"Maybe I don't need a friend!" On-screen Buffy told him.  
  
"I didn't say I was yours," and he walked away.  
  
***  
  
Angel and Buffy had reason to worry. While the best parts of their lives were being played out, so were the worst. Angel flinched as on-screen he staked Darla, as on-screen Buffy danced with Xander. Then of course, her birthday. Oh how Angel enjoyed seeing his second evil phase all over again. How they all enjoyed reliving Jenny Calendar's murder at his hand. How they all adored to watch Buffy have to send him to Hell in his souled state. By that point in the movie, each member of the gang was squirming in their seat.  
  
Then came the next part. Buffy in LA, zombie gatecrashers, Scott Hope and Angel's return from Hell. Faith. They were up to the present day, and watched themselves as they argued about Buffy's concealment of Angel.  
  
Then the very recent: the return of Spike briefly, the break ups of Buffy & Angel, Xander & Cordelia, Willow & Oz. Then the hilarious alternate universe summoned by Anya on behalf of Cordelia, the appearance of the First Evil, and the reunions of Buffy & Angel, Xander & Cordelia, Willow & Oz.  
  
It ended on an up-beat feeling, and as the credits rolled, each of the faces in the theatre, although tear-stained, was smiling. The lights came up and then they were escorted to '21' for the after-party.  
  
***  
  
"That was... different," said Angel, his 'poor tortured soul' in more torment after reliving it all. Buffy could see this, and hit him lightly on the arm.  
  
"No brooding. I mean it!" she said, planting a soft kiss on his lips.  
  
"So, it really is over between you and Willow?" Cordelia asked Xander after seeing it all.  
  
"Yeah," he said, expecting her to hit him or something. But instead she smiled, and kissed him.  
  
"Xander?" a soft voice called. He stopped kissing Cordelia long enough to turn around. Marilyn Monroe was standing there in a gold lame dress which positively hugged each curve.  
  
"Hi," he said, beaming.  
  
"I wondered if you might like to dance?" she asked. He looked at beautiful Marilyn, then at Cordelia. Then back again.  
  
"I... er... uh... Don't you want to dance with Joe?" he asked, looking over at the tall, powerful man with eyes like a hawk.  
  
"Of course I do! But I was just wondering if you might like to dance to this." 

Cordelia nudged him, as if giving her consent.  
  
"Sure!" Marilyn smiled and led him onto the dance floor. Cordelia watched with a smile.  
  
How many times does a guy get to dance with Marilyn Monroe, after all? Just as she was watching, Gene Kelly came over and gave her a brilliant smile.  
  
"Miss Chase, might I have this dance?"  
  
"Yes!" she exclaimed loudly.

  
***  
  
Later, as the party was beginning to wind up, Angel and Buffy were dancing together.  
  
"Would you like a photograph?" asked Ava Gardner as she came over to them with a photographer. Angel shot a slightly worried look at Buffy, wondering what she'd think.  
  
"Sure, we'd love that," Buffy told Ava with a smile. They posed for a moment while the photographer took the picture. As they stood, talking to Ava, The Voice himself approached.  
  
"Miss Summers," he said, taking Buffy's hand and kissing it lightly.  
  
"Mr. Sinatra," she said, at a loss for words. She'd spent the day with the most legendary of legends, yet she didn't know what to say to this one.  
  
"Please, call me Frank," he said, before turning to Angel. "Did we ever meet before?"  
  
"Yes sir. In the fifties." 

Frank nodded with understanding. He shook Angel's hand, before saying quietly so only Angel could hear,  
  
"Just watch who you walk into next time." Angel smiled at him slightly.  
  
"Only if you treat her nicely," he dared. Frank laughed, nodding, before going back to where Dean and Sam were sitting at the bar.  
  
"Well, here's your picture," Ava handed it to Angel.  
  
"Thanks." 

Ava smiled at him one last time, before turning away to join Frank.  
  
***  
  
"Is everyone ready?" asked Giles. They were back in their current day clothes, ready to go home. In true Hollywood style, they had to get in a hot air balloon and say over and again "There's no place like home."  
  
"There's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place..." Buffy mumbled.  
  
"Buffy!" Giles said impatiently. She looked up. They were all in the library, even Angel, and it was dark outside. They were all wearing normal clothes, and nothing looked out of the ordinary.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You should be out patrolling now," he reminded her. She nodded, a little confused, but got up anyway. A moment after she left with Angel, Willow turned to Xander:  
  
"So, why exactly did you never tell Buffy I was trying the curse again?"  
  
***  
  
"Are you all right, Buffy?" Angel asked, wrapping his arm around her waist as they strolled through the deserted cemetery.  
  
"Yeah, I uh, just had a strange dream or something."  
  
"What about?" he asked her.  
  
"Nothing. It was stupid."  
  
"Tell me anyway."  
  
"I dreamed we all went to this heaven place where famous movie stars lived, and we were a movie there, and Ava Gardner was in love with you or something, and Marilyn Monroe, and...." she stopped as Angel laughed.  
  
"What?" she demanded angrily. He reached into her own jacket pocket and pulled out the photograph of the two of them Ava had got the photographer to take.  
  
"It wasn't a dream then?" she asked. "What?"  
  
"No. This is the Hellmouth after all," Angel said.  
  
"So, what's this about you and Ava Gardner then…"  
  
**THAT'S ALL FOLKS!**


End file.
